I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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