well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
