Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
