this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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