I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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