My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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