i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
