dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
