ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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