i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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