Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
