I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
