Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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