Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
