Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
