I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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