Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
