I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
