His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
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I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
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I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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