he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
