he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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