you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
