did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
