I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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