I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
