I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
