Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
