Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
