Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
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And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
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I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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