she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
