also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
