At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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