no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
