But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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