When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That accounts for only three of the penises
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
