i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
