fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
