elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
being pregnant is like rehab
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
