call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
