getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
