she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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