Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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