i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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