I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
