Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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