Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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