I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
