I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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