JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
