Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
