I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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