I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
