she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.