i just had sex bonerless
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.