Whod you bang
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
