FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.