I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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