I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
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I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
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He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
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Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again