I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize