i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
