it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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