Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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