he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
