There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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