after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
