She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
