I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
