this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Be still, my beating vagina.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
