I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Found the puke drawer
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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