Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
