The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
