She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
