At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
