Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
