you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
