Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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