yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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