The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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