Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
