he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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