does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
