Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There's always time for handjobs
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
