That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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