Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
